The task of caring for our aging parents can be quite difficult. Do we just give up because we’re too busy and don’t have the time or are we up to the challenge and love them through?
Disconnect, greed, self-absorbtion and lack of understanding unconditional love will separate us from the greatest gift we were meant to experience. We were never created for anything less.
The gift to love.
As I hung up the phone I knew what she meant after all those years. Oh, the master work of our parents. Never ceasing to teach us even far into our adult years.
My mom looked much older that I cared to admit. She was always put-together well. Her hair perfectly in place, keen sense of fashion, perfectly manicured nails and a splash of floral scent delicately permeated the space as she brushed by. It mirrored her personality perfectly with a smile that was bountifully infectious. She loved her family and her life.
Today was much different. I saw the ugliness of mortality taking shape. The vibrance of her face has lost its’ glow and she was sinking deep in the pit of seclusion and abandonment.
I hated to see that.
To watch your loved one surrender to age is never a good place to be.
Why do we ever have to experience this?
Dad had been gone 4 years when mom collapsed. She was at a good place in her life. She had lost a lot of weight, the house paid for, her car was paid off and she passionately threw herself into her music and sign language for children – something she had loved doing for many, many years. After going to a movie with a girlfriend, she went home and warmed up a bowl of soup when she fell straight to the floor.
She had suffered a stroke.
Laying helpless on the floor until the next morning, help finally came but with little hope of gaining mobility in her left arm and leg. She was paralyzed.
That was 21 years ago.
It’s been a long road of caregivers, doctor’s appointments, physiotherapy and an exhaustive line of cheerleaders to help her know she is still loved and she STILL has a mission. In the last months after having a uinary tract infection and pneumonia, she seems to have given in to what debilitates her. But, she still smiles and still has her heart-gripping stories that keeps us captivated and fondly loving her. She is only 80 years young.
It is hard to see her like this.
My tidbit for you: Love hard. Go the distance even when you don’t feel like it.
There’s a game we willfully play ourselves into that we do at some point in our lives. “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. When you don’t treat me right, I won’t help you”. This WILL lead to disconnect, self absorption, greed and a lack to fully understand the blessing we receive through unconditional love. It can be hard. Painfully hard….but does it give us justification just because it’s hard? God who has loved us in spite of the ugliness of our sin of selfishness and will to never love back, has given us that same power to do the same – to others.
I don’t know how much longer I will have my mom but I promised I will always be there for her to check in, love on her and know she STILL has a mission as long as she has breath. Who knows maybe the words I speak today may breathe life into her to live just one more day.
With thankfulness,
Pam
Pam, thank you for sharing your heart-thoughts. We, too, are in the midst of caring more for our parents, with Mom’s Alzheimer’s progressing rapidly in the past few months. I really appreciate your candor, and your reminder to “love hard”, especially in the most difficult moments-hours-days.
XOXO
Hi Leanah! Thank you for your kind words! Often I think of myself many years older and I pray I will leave this world fulfilled knowing I have loved as much as I can love. Thanks for writing! (sorry for the late reply…I am still fairly new to this!) Blessings, Pam
Your mom and mine were the same age. I am glad you still have her. I still need to go visit her.
Hi Cindy! Thanks for writing! Is your mom in a nursing home?