THE START OVER

~Amid all the challenges we go through, losing a job can throw some unexpected punches. Like mine. And noone can prepare you when it catches you so blindsided. This is my not so glory story.~

The probability of me looking like I knew what I was doing was next to nothing. But, I was there.

The start of this new job within months after losing my first one had me feeling jibberish all over again. And my stomach knotty. Here I was approaching 54 years of age. The loss of my job after 10 years was not easy one. I loved my work and I really gave it my best. And here I was starting over. New Job Day One. The opportunity for anyone to ‘clean up’ before me was quite possible. Someone with more experience. Younger. Prettier. Me? Not so much. And is it really weird that my former boss recommended me to my new boss? I took that as a compliment in a strange sort of way.

But, I was there.

I was surrounded by a clear view of Ottawa’s city skyline sitting at the largest oak board room table ever! I was in awe. I looked down at my chair. And looked around. Each chair was high-back leather bound with the seat situated atop the most amazing piece of hydraulic equipment. To perfection. Each appliance perfectly positioned around the table. Sacky-doo. I can get used to this. 

It was around 10:30am. There I was front and center along with several other team members I hadn’t yet been introduced to. I had my notepad and pen ready. My eyes bright ready to take on the day. I was ready to go and excited for this new adventure in my life once again.

Boss finally arrived to speak to the 7 of us and to give us his take on the city’s market research and implementing strategies to outnumber sales from the previous month. At first, he introduced me as the newest member of the team. I looked up and smiled confidently though feeling terribly inhibited. I just felt like a gazillion eyes were hovering over me as if I were sheep ready for slaughter. OK, wow.

It wasn’t 10 minutes into the most daunting and mundane meeting when out of the very blue, my chair made a whistling noise.

What WAS that?

I nonchalantly investigated the area around me without wanting to create too much attention. Nothing.

I re-focused my attention on Boss’ very boring form and dissertation. Half-filled coffee cups tapped the table from time to time and pens clicked as the oration of home buying continued. My thought pattern began to drift. No sooner had my mind begin to wander, my chair began to ‘sing’ again. This time slower and longer.

Dang.

The mere thought and dread of people staring frightened me.  My face straight, my eyes scanned the room to see if anyone was gawking. I tried not to think about it. Until a few minutes later, it happened AGAIN.  Okay people, NOW I’m beginning to get a wee bit nervous. Play it cool, Pam. Please…don’t let this be happening to me.  

I looked up to ‘concentrate’ again. Stare. Blank. Pray.

I was determined. Nothing will stifle this moment. Nothing!!

Without another moments’ pause, my chair made a huge *POP*. And thus started my slow descent downward. I kept looking up at my boss praying it would go away. And it didn’t. I was horrified!

Aaaand….here I go…..

Oh my.

Not much good in hiding a person physically gravitating to the floor. Nope. My eyes still peeled on my boss as my arm on the table got higher and higher. Give it up. Let it go. Let it go Pam. Go…..Can’t change what is happening. Yep. 

Well, you know.

I finally hit bottom as the sizzling sound diminished along with my dignity. My face was hot with dense molecules. I knew all eyes were peeled on me now. Noone cracked a smile though I know they wanted to.

As they say in show business, “the show must go on”. And it did.

The meeting went well. Very well.